Vibrance over Fear: My Island Wake Up Call

Hawaii changed my entire perspective.

Okay I know you read that and probably think ...ugh here goes another person yapping about how a trip somewhere changed their entire personality. Hold your judgement for a moment and let me explain.

My sister is in grad school working on her masters and earned her way to attend the annual conference for APS – plant studies, which just happened to be this year in … Hawaii!  She planted the seed (pun definitely intended) for me to join her after the conference ended. Not going to lie, so many things made me nervous about the trip, but I said yes because nothing is better than time spent with Annabel. 

Some of my girlfriends probably remember conversations we had leading up to Hawaii and my readers may remember the email I sent before I left. It highlighted my nerves for a 10+ hour flight- anxieties about the travel, being so far away, and planning an itinerary for my sister and me. I’m very Type A (surprise for no one!) so I felt pressure to make it ‘perfect’ while also being extremely nervous. 

Uhhh that must’ve been annoying to read! Here’s a girl speaking on how nervous she is to fly to a beautiful island because she’ll be sitting for a long time. Yawn. I can laugh at myself now but looking back before the trip- I realize I had inadvertently begun to let fear control me. 

I don’t like traveling! I don’t enjoy new places because they make me nervous. I can’t be away from my routine of everything tailored exactly to my needs. These are just some of the thoughts I say to people when they would ask me about travel. The truth? I would love to go to Kyoto or Australia or the Maldives…I just am too scared to make the jump. 

My routine and life are predictable…which is how I like it. This way of living allows me to never be challenged or really live. 

Enter Hawai’i! A magical, beautiful land that was a wake-up call for me to stop letting fear call the shots. The 10-hour flight heading there was long, but like a child in Sunday church, I made sure I had my cheerios and coloring books ready to go. In my case…smut books and Spotify. 

*Hawaiian Airlines is also one of the best airlines I have ever had the pleasure of flying on. Check them out if they're an option—the food was fantastic as well as the service. Hawaiian Airlines made me feel more comfortable and safe throughout the flight. 

Adjusting to the time change wasn’t too bad (6 hours behind Boston) but when I arrived, I was just tired but I pushed through for a pool cocktail! Each morning, we had something planned, whether it be a hike, snorkeling, horse riding, or zip lining. Annabel and I both picked out activities we wanted to do. (More on these to come!) 

Every morning while Annabel and I were somehow always late to the group excursions, I would be anxious and worry about how these activities would pan out. I didn’t have total control!? Call 911!

To no one’s surprise, I survived ziplining even with my fear of heights and nerves that come with it. I was able to actually enjoy myself while being clipped on a line that felt a million miles above the trees. Yes, I was shaking while I got off the line, but it was such a rush. I didn’t have to regret missing out on something because of anxiety!

We were able to go snorkeling and loved seeing 12 different sea turtles! I did this all without being nervous while out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I was able to be present and truly live. 

What a novel concept for good old Charty. 

Hawaii was so good to me. New sights, new perspectives, new beautiful beaches and culture. The water was the bluest I’ve ever seen, the locals were so kind, and the food was truly amazing. I don’t know how to go back to eating rotten fruits now. 

I am so lucky. I know I preach a lot about being present, about living, about taking life by the reins—but I feel like Hawai’i shifted my control and anxiety mode to shut off for a little. It opened my eyes to a new world of seeing I actually can do a long flight; I can travel alone and make a killer itinerary! 

I’m so grateful for my sister being with me too. She is the opposite of me when it comes to fearing things, so she’s always willing to give me a little shove and tell me to get over myself! It was so special spending time together. 

So perhaps if you feel like you're letting anxiety and fear control your decisions, how you live, and your next move...it may be time to look inward. Or book a cross country flight! Kidding.

What is holding you back from being alive?

-Charty