What Advice Would You Give to Your 15-Year-Old Self? A Personal Reflection

The great news is that Charty's perfect brain is fully formed, due to her frontal lobe closing up shop at 26! (Men don't have that until they're 30. Kiss) But with this comes more intentional connection with my younger self. And MAN is youth wasted on the young. Why wasn’t teenaged me present? Why didn’t she enjoy her youth and waste so much time thinking she was overweight? Why did she care so much about people who didn’t matter? Well, probably because she was 15 years old, and her priorities were skewed. Why wasn’t she nicer to her parents who stopped at nothing to make sure she was okay? Why did she pick fights with her siblings? Why didn't she memorize the sound of her dad getting home, of the dogs barking, or Saturday mornings? I could go on for days about my whys growing up, but what matters now is reflecting on this. I'm learning to accept her flaws and love her for the person she was then.

She was hurting. I know that. She was angry at the world, angry at others for not choosing her, and wanted soooo much control. She didn’t like who she was. And that’s okay. 27-year-old me loves her enough for both of us. All 15-year-old Charty wanted was for someone to save her. To fix things, love her, and choose her. And it took me a long time to realize… no one is coming to get you babe, get the hell up. I wasted so much time hoping for better hair (lol my hair in the mornings), for a smaller gut, for more friends, for a best friend, for more, more, more. For better, for not me. Uhmmm what? Why did I spend so many years of my life searching for something else?

It frustrates me. That I spent many years dreaming of different, wishing away life to be something else, when I had everything I needed. Is this becoming depressing? I hope not. I’ll get to the positive part! Through years of therapy, I've worked on being the person Charlotte dreamed of growing up. And it’s inspired me to live my life more intentionally in my late twenties (ew I’m crotchety and old).

The past five years I show up for myself. Which is not an easy journey, but a beautiful one. I live my life for that 15-year-old girl who felt unworthy and inadequate. Who felt that the darkness would never subside. I relish in life's joys for her. I take pictures to remember the days I don't want to forget, I gas myself up, I make sure I feel safe and loved. I look inwards to fill my soul, instead of outwards. I work out, I go to parties, I ALWAYS grab the mic at karaoke, and I spread love. I enjoy my adventures; I surround myself with people who love me for my heart (and humor.) I have dance parties every morning in my room before work (Nickleback only and apologies to my neighbors), and I’ve long stopped caring what people think of me.

And yes, I still check in with that gorgeous 15-year-old. I make sure she’s okay. Sometimes when I’m driving, sometimes during my gratitude practice, and other times when I know she’s struggling. But don’t worry, she’s almost healed. She’s the strongest, most resilient person I know. And she's really proud of 27-year-old me too.

And guess what I tell her?

You're the person you've been searching for all along. All you ever had to do was click your ruby red slippers together to return home.

I had all the power- it was me all along.  

Love and hugs,

Charty