First Bad Review? My Ego Is Filing a Complaint

Last Thursday, just as I was gearing up for a fun-filled weekend with my best friend, my boss came in with some news: I’d received my first not-so-glowing patient review at this job. And honestly… I panicked, suddenly feeling insecure and off-balance in a way I hadn't felt in years.

Crazy, right? Who wouldn’t love me! All jokes aside, my boss was so kind in delivering this news—making sure I wasn’t fully taking it personally or spiraling. (Although I definitely was.) He explained that it happens and some people just don’t always click.

Which I know very well after almost six years in the field. But as we all know—I love this job so much. I respect the doctors I work for and what I do. Still, this review really killed me inside.

I ruminated hard over it. I beat myself up the entire day, wondering how this family could’ve read me so wrong as a provider and how a miscommunication resulted in their poor experience. A 5-year-old with ADHD? I can’t do talk therapy with him!

And suddenly, I’m labeled as dismissive and bad at my job.

Days later, my coworker—who is my mentor, friend, one of the best gifts this job has given me—gave me constructive, helpful feedback about how this review was affecting me. I told her I was doubting myself and felt so insecure after this review. She told me that sometimes it seems I underestimate my ability as a therapist and feel I can’t help some patients due to my self-doubt.

She nailed it. (As usual!) But why was it so uncomfortable to hear?

I felt vulnerable. The feedback made me realize sometimes when I’m not seeing concrete progress with patients, I start to doubt my ability and feel like it’s not working. Uhmmm...duh! That’s therapy! Sometimes it’s quick, other times it takes years and the progress isn’t tangible.

I realized that maybe I’m finding my worth as a therapist based on problem solving for patients. And when I don’t see that quickly, it feels I’m not doing a good job.

I ruminated over this feedback for a couple hours before my stacked, seven patient afternoon. I needed to take a step back, so I went for a walk and got a Diet Coke—breaking my no caffeine after 3pm rule. I got back to my desk after processing and got ready to lead with self-confidence.

Isn’t it funny we can feel so confident on the streets of Boston in our leather pants, yet struggle in our line of work?

I remembered to slow down in my patient sessions. To meet patients where they’re at and help them reflect on their own challenges. I didn’t try to rush to suggest options, I encouraged deeper reflection and sat with them in their discomfort. Sessions felt so positive and good for the rest of the day.

Wow. One tiny shift in my approach can change perspective and sessions entirely.

On the way home, after texting my coworker bestie to thank her, I started to think about why my immediate reaction to helpful advice was to defend myself. Why did I feel vulnerable and discomfort?

It got me thinking on a larger scope—feedback is such a delicate thing. On one hand we all crave it in our workplace, personal life, or hobbies. But what happens when we actually receive it? We jump to defend ourselves, deny the validity, and often run from it.

Why are we so hesitant to address or receive ways to better ourselves? Why do we make it a personal attack? As a society we preach about bettering ourselves and continuing to be smarter—but when it comes down to it…we have a challenging time looking in the mirror.

Here’s my broader reflection—if we were all good at our jobs, personal life, or hobby, what would we have to work toward? I have pages in my journal filled with goals—things I’m working toward in my career and personal life. But when I got that feedback, none of that came to mind. In that moment, it felt like my progress disappeared and all I could think was, “I failed.”

However, it would be pointless to go through life without goals to work toward.

Especially in my field, feedback—like a patient review—isn’t about proving myself at the end of the day. It’s about showing up better for my patients. Each comment is a chance to refresh my perspective, meet new patients with fresh energy, and serve in a stronger, more empathetic way. I’m genuinely passionate about learning from it.

For me, it was the perfect reminder to stop and reflect in how I could use this review and feedback to grow stronger. It helped me to get out of my head and realize that I still have a lot to learn! Bad reviews, constructive criticism, remembering I’m not perfect—they help me to stay humble and work to be better.

All this to say: next time you get feedback, pause. Take a deep breath, resist the urge to defend yourself, and actually listen. Growth doesn’t feel comfortable—but that’s the point. If we were good at everything all the time, life would be boring.

So, embrace the awkward, the uncomfortable, and yes… even the patient reviews. They’re secretly making you awesome.

Love,

America's Breadwinner: Uncle CHARTY!