Stop Pretending You Don’t Care (It’s Killing Us)

After skiing, après time, and MORE FUN the last few months…Mommy (me) is back with her favorite topic: DATING

God, Charlotte, haven’t you already beaten this topic into the ground? Not quite! Hand me the talking stick, and I’ll try to make it quick…

One of my favorite authors and psychologists recently sent an email that hit hard—some of you may have seen it on my blog’s Instagram story. Jillian Turecki, a relationship exper, was saying that modern dating is broken. She sent her subscribers an email titled, “Dating Advice that Keeps You Single” with a few thoughts. And no, it’s not about shaving your legs or paying for the date.

It’s much simpler: We avoid real vulnerability.

It’s been like this since I was young…if you show your cards in the ‘talking’ stage—or act too into the guy—you’re automatically labeled certifiable. We send receipts to our friends, ask how to reply in a “chill” way, we work to put so much energy into pretending we don’t care.

What?

Isn’t that…contradictory? Why do we believe that caring too much is a flaw?

Dating apps have made this whole scene diabolical. We (I do it too) filter through looks, height, location, hobbies…making it impossible to be neutral. Dating is built on insecurity and surface-level conversation. Until someone ghosts, of course.

Honest conversations? Rare. It’s easier to hit “unmatch” and move on, while the other person waits for the next to step in with honesty.

Jillian nails it:

“We have built an entire dating culture around a performance of indifference. The person who cares less has power. The person who shows their hand first is exposed. And so, everyone keeps their hand hidden, and the game continues, and nobody wins anything worth having. And we wonder why nothing feels real.”

It really does start to feel like a game—power versus feeling embarrassed for being the one who cared, reached out, or was just… honest.

Recently, I cried in front of my friend about dating and this underlying fear that it might just never happen for me. I was so vulnerable and when my tears dried, I was mortified. Like I had to shrink myself, apologize for it, and dial it back. And it wasn’t even romantic—it was just me being a human with feelings and immediately feeling shame.

Why is that “not okay”? The fact that we’re emotional beings?

We’ve been trained to believe that crafting the perfect text, waiting three days to respond, or doing no contact so they “miss you” is how dating works. It’s all strategy, power dynamics, and acting like caring is something to hide.

When I talked to my mom about it, she made a good point—social media kind of mirrors it in its own way. Posts, memes, and content constantly glorify: “I don’t need a man, I have my dog, my peace, my life is amazing.”

Huh. Why are we not admitting that we may want connection?

It feels like women are kind of set up in this weird dynamic. There’s an oversaturation of us on the apps, and the men you actually want? Probably at happy hour, not scrolling on an app.

I wish I had the secret sauce. I don’t. I’m just trying to be better about being honest, staying open, not judging myself for having feelings (which is the hardest part), trying not to judge short men, and trusting that someone out there can handle my big heart (and ass).

So yeah—dating feels like a game. But maybe it stops being one the second we stop trying to win it.

Maybe the real shift is just this: caring isn’t weak. It’s the whole point.

And maybe if we stop performing indifference, we actually give ourselves a chance at something real.

Let’s keep being the one who texts first. Who loves hard. Who is not “casual” just for the sake of seeming unbothered. So what if some people don’t like it?

Let them self-select out. (BYEEEEE!)

Don’t be afraid to be someone who feels deeply and shows it anyway. That’s not the problem—it’s the whole point.

It matters. It’s actually beautiful.

LOVE YA,

Uncle C