This Ain't a Placeholder Life, Baby

I turn 29 in a few weeks (9 days and I am counting), and I always become so reflective around my birthday.

There is nothing more fun than celebrating life and gathering all my favorite people together to do it. Parties, trips, time with my family, time in Vermont...just to name a few of the exciting things coming up. How lucky am I?

And also...I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be. I guess years ago, I imagined the last year of my twenties would be filled with kids, a husband, a house, and a lot more money. I thought I would've hit all the checkpoints you're "supposed" to hit by this age.

Marriage? Nope.

Boyfriend? Not even close.

My own house? Nope. (Too busy shelling out $28k a year on a 1 bedroom apartment)

New apartment in the suburbs? Also no.

It's so easy to judge ourselves based on what we don't have yet. On the things we feel we haven't accomplished. It's easy to tell ourselves we've failed when we haven't even been given the next opportunity.

The past few years of my life have been filled with watching friends get married, start new chapters, buy houses, and move into an entirely different season of life. Change has been everywhere I turn.

I know I've written about this topic before, and I think it still comes up no matter how "healed" you think you are. There are always moments where we feel behind or less than when we haven't hit the classic milestones.

Sometimes I joke with my friends that there's nothing new here. Still just the same old. I minimize because I'm embarrassed that there has been no movement on the front.

The front being the things I think are huge: marriage, babies, and my love life.

It's lonely sometimes.

But.

What about the things I have accomplished?

Building a private practice business.

Excelling in my pediatric job.

Finding new friendships.

Skiing.

Building a vibrant life.

Being honest when I don't have it all together.

Admitting that I struggle with self-worth and self-esteem.

What about those things? Do they matter just as much as a wedding?

Guys! I'm not just trying to hype myself up...I truly think we don't appreciate the rest of life.

I have older friends who comment that they feel they're entering a 'mid-life crisis' because they got the partner, the kids...and now what?

Here's your reminder that life that exists outside the checkpoints.

We waste so much time waiting for the next milestone that we forget to acknowledge everything happening in between. Waiting for the engagement. Waiting for the house. Waiting for the promotion. Waiting for life to finally begin.

But isn’t this life too?

What if the weeknight oyster dinners with friends, the ski weekends, the business built from scratch, the career you're proud of, the trips home to family, and the relationships that carry you through hard seasons aren't just filler until the next milestone?

What if they're the whole point?

As I head into 29, there are still things I hope for. I'd still love the relationship, the family, and the next chapter when it's meant for me.

AND I'm trying not to make the mistake of treating my current life as a placeholder.

Because if I've learned anything in my twenties, it's that sometimes the journey ends up being richer than the checkpoint you thought would make you happy.

CHEERS BABY!

Love,

Charlotte