Turns Out My Favorite People were in the House All Along...

Hello dear readers! I’m back with my much-anticipated return after a few weeks’ hiatus. To be honest, I felt like nothing I had to say was inspirational and it felt so forced. I struggled to think of ways to show up for you guys and be authentic. However, I’ve been reflecting a lot the past few weeks and am ready to be back.

I’m currently in the midst of planning a trip to Hawaii with my sister this summer and we are so excited! Planning this and looking forward to our time together has me thinking about how sibling relationships progress and grow throughout life. We grew up fighting over toys, now we fight about who has the best tea.

It’s funny how we go through our childhood wanting to be far away from our siblings...naturally we grow apart during our teenage years to figure ourselves out and chase freedom. Luckily this changes for most around age 23.

It's scientifically proven that a healthy bond with your siblings can lead to a better life down the line. Less anxiety, depression, and feeling less lonely as you grow older. I’m so grateful for my relationship with my siblings, however it hasn’t always been easy!

When I was 4 years old, I stood in front of our cherry blossom tree at our old house and prayed for a baby sister. I was sick of playing with my dolls alone! My brother was the best, we did everything together from making homemade skateboards, playing outside, and swimming together. But I wanted a sister to play Barbies and Polly Pockets with…sue me!

Sure enough, baby Annabel was born in December of 2001 with a difficult delivery and lots of tears (from me). Lordy, was I in for a surprise. No one told me I’d have to share my parents or a room with a screaming newborn…hard pass! John Nick joined me on that front, putting a “No Girl’s Allowed” sign promptly on his door after she came home.

Suddenly I had a beautiful little baby sister who looked at me like I hung the moon. I couldn’t get the Polly Pocket purse out of my mouth long enough to appreciate her! Annabel wanted to do everything together, while I was not interested. I wanted things to be like they were before- with just John Nick and I...I think I called them the 'good old days.' Sorry! No, you can’t play with my friends and don't wear my clothes…or underwear!

Pretty soon I became the child that needed the most attention due to anxiety and other issues. This couldn’t have been easy on my siblings, but we don’t think about that when we’re a child.

As I grew into my teens, I was fighting with my brother and sister more. Hitting, screaming, and fighting most of the time. My brother continued to be an angel—driving me to ride my horse, to my friend’s houses, and other places anytime I needed. I was angry, moody, and such a struggling teen. We had so many opportunities to grow our relationship and talk, but we weren’t ready.

I took my siblings for granted and was always spending time with friends. I was mean to them, disloyal, and then I was off to college. And boy did this change things. My brother and I slowly started to rebuild our friendship through hard conversations and forgiveness.

I’ll never forget my junior year of college when he came to visit me alone because he was moving to Arizona. It was our goodbye, and he made such an effort to make sure I felt cared for. He took me for ice cream, and we talked, which felt like the first time we were friends rather than brother and sister.

When my brother moved across the country, our relationship flourished. Visiting him, phone calls, and checking in regularly was such a healthy part of our ‘adult’ relationship. He was always my “north star” as I like to say as the older brother, however he became one of my best friends.

While my brother and I grew our friendship, my sister and I’s relationship became dimmer. It was heartbreaking. I felt ready for that that sister connection, and she wasn’t there yet. She wouldn’t be for years. I spent a lot of time wishing that we’d have the classic sister bond, being so jealous of others that did. I wanted to give up, feeling like it wasn’t in the cards for us. I continued to try with weekly communication and reaching out when I could. During this time, I tried to shift friends to be ‘sisters’ for me, which always left me disappointed because it wasn’t Annabel.

Thankfully, I never gave up.

Over the last few years, my sister and I have both reached the point in life when we’re ready to be besties. We’ve both done so much good work on ourselves. Annabel and John Nick used to annoy me, now they're my first phone call when life happens. The people who would move mountains for me. They help me everyday with the blog—they are part of the heart behind it.

And yes, they still love to make fun of me.

Sibling relationships are challenging; I hear it in almost every therapy session I have with patients. Children who fight with their siblings and don’t understand how they can ever get along. Sibling arguments and taunting are concerning for most new parents. It’s more difficult with sisters based on the nature, however it depends on the family dynamic growing up.

I always tell parents the same thing my parents told me—have patience. It’s not easy nor quick, however being intentional with your time with them and effort put in can do a lot. Do not give up when it gets challenging, but rather lean into it and share feelings.

According to an NPR article by Allison Aubrey, a strong sibling bond can give you better emotional health. A healthy connection with siblings in your early 20s has been studied to make you more resilient, less lonely, and decrease anxiety and depression. This article also discussed how more conflict in with siblings in your 20s, can lead to depressive symptoms and heightened anxiety later in life.

My siblings are the people who see me for everything I am and still love me. How beautiful it is to have people who have known me since I was a dysregulated teenager to age 27 with a big girl job and thriving. It's not always perfect, sometimes there is a passive-aggressive text and shade on the side, but it wouldn't be authentic if it was all good.

It’s fulfilling to have family members who treasure you and would go to the ends of the Earth for you.

X,

Charty

Author’s note: I know not everyone’s experience is similar and some may be estranged or have a difficult sibling bond. While I can’t speak on how this affects us, I’m sending you so much love. As always, I’m here to talk about anything.